Am I Outside My Window of Tolerance? Signs to Watch For

Nigel Skinner
Aug 27, 2025
3 min read

In my last post, I introduced the idea of the window of tolerance — that “calm zone” where you can handle life’s challenges without tipping into overwhelm.

But here’s the tricky part: when you’re outside your window, it doesn’t always look the same. Sometimes you’re wired and restless. Other times you feel flat and shut down.

So how do you know when you’ve slipped out of balance? Let’s break it down.

Two Ways Stress Shows Up

When your nervous system senses a threat, it can push you in two very different directions:

👉 Hyperarousal (fight/flight): Your system speeds up. You feel activated, anxious, or irritable.

👉 Hypoarousal (freeze/shutdown): Your system slows down. You feel flat, numb, or disconnected.

Neither state means you’re “broken” — they’re survival strategies. But living in them for too long can leave you stuck and exhausted.

Signs of Hyperarousal (Fight/Flight Mode)

You might be outside your window on the “too much energy” side if you notice:

Racing thoughts that won’t switch off
A pounding heart or tight chest
Feeling constantly on edge, jumpy, or restless
Snapping at people more than usual
Trouble sleeping because your mind won’t stop
Panic attacks or a sense of impending doom

💡 I often hear clients say, “I feel like I’m running on adrenaline all the time.” That’s hyperarousal in action.

Signs of Hypoarousal (Freeze/Shutdown Mode)

On the other hand, you might be outside your window on the “too little energy” side if you notice:

Struggling to get out of bed
A heavy, foggy, or numb feeling
Lack of motivation, even for things you normally enjoy
Going through the motions without really being present
Withdrawing from friends or family
Feeling emotionally “blank” or cut off

💡 I’ve had people tell me, “I just thought I was lazy,” when really, they were in hypoarousal. It’s not laziness — it’s your nervous system trying to protect you by shutting things down.

My Own Realisation

I remember a period in my own life when I felt constantly tired and unmotivated. At the time, I beat myself up for being “unproductive.”

Later, I realised I wasn’t lazy — I was outside my window in hypoarousal. My body was overwhelmed and had pressed the brakes.

That shift in perspective was huge for me. And it’s often huge for clients too. Understanding what’s happening takes away the blame and replaces it with compassion.

Why Spotting the Signs Matters

You can’t change what you don’t notice.

When you can name what’s happening — “I’m in hyperarousal right now” or “I’ve slipped into hypoarousal” — you immediately create a little distance. Instead of being lost in the storm, you’re observing it.

That small step of awareness opens the door to regulation. It gives you choices. Do I need to calm myself down? Or do I need to gently re-energise?

A Gentle Reminder

It’s easy to slip into self-criticism when you notice these patterns.

But here’s the truth: you’re not weak, lazy, or “too much.” You’re simply outside your window of tolerance. And that happens to all of us.

The goal isn’t to stay perfectly inside your window all the time — that’s impossible. The goal is to notice when you’ve wandered out, and to learn ways to bring yourself back in.

What’s Next: Tools to Bring You Back

So far in this series, we’ve looked at:

The fight or flight response (Blog Post 1)
The window of tolerance (Blog Post 2)
The signs that you’re outside your window (this post)

Now comes the practical part.

👉 In my next post, I’ll share 5 simple tools you can use to bring yourself back into balance when stress or anxiety pushes you too far out of your window.

Because awareness is powerful — but action is where real change happens.

Nigel Skinner | Enestee Ltd Accredited Counsellor | Specialist in Stress & Anxiety📍 Based in North Wales & Chester